Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Should a husband have a say on what his wife looks like?

Recently on Facebook, my friend Bunny Moreno author of Bunny' s Vintage Victory and proprietor of the Vintage Victory Shop over at Etsy recently posted about a topic on whether or not a husband has a right to comment on his wife's appearance.  Those are not her exact words, but it is how I interpreted them. 

She was surprised by the number of women who feel that their "man" has no right at all to have any say in her appearance.  But these same women can tell their man on how he needs to act, who his friends are, what he needs to do on a daily basis, and how he should relax.   She summed it up best in one word..."Compromise".

I whole heartily agree with that statement.  I think my husband does have a right to say or give his opinion on what I wear and how I look.  Every single day if we plan to go out in public, I ask him what he thinks about what I am wearing,  whether or not I should wear make-up, as well as right to what is on top of my head (natural hair, bandana, hat, or wig).  I ask him what he thinks because he is the person that will be seen with me and I want to make a good impression on him and on others as his wife.  Granted, I have a few medical problems that some days, I could care less about the make-up, hair, and clothes and I will wear my rattiest pair of torn old sweats with the baggiest t-shirt I can find and no bra.  These are usually days when I am in alot of pain and don't really want anything touching my body at all.  He respects and understands that.  He has never told me that I have to wear a specific outfit, or had to wear make-up, etc.  He tells me I am beautiful no matter what and he also tells me that he loves me every single day we have been living together way back in 1997.  There is not a single day I can remember him not kissing me goodnight and telling me he loves me.

On the other hand, there have been instances where I have purchased clothing for him to wear and he did not like them.  They were not his "style".  However, he did wear them out in public once to show me he appreciated I made the effort to get them for him so he should me the same courtesy and wore them out once before they ended up in the back of his closet or into the next family's donation bag to Salvation Army, Goodwill, or following year's garage sale.

Alot has happened to my appearance in the past ten years.  I gave birth to two handsome boys gaining a total in 100 lbs of "baby fat" (who am I kidding, those are "craving" pounds).  I have been in and out of the hospital for the past four years for various medical problems.  I have also shaved my hair because I was losing it from some of the forms of medication I have to take.

When I first met my husband, I weighed 175 lbs and had short hair.  Throughout our time together, its been sort of long (shoulder length) but mostly short.  I like my hair short.  My husband likes my hair long.  He's never really pressured me to have long hair but I know he likes it best that way.  He is what I call "conservative" when it comes to women and men's fashion.    He doesn't like tattoos either but I got a few of those as well. 

I think its important to look good for the person you love to keep the magic in your relationship alive.  To remind each other about why you are attracted to one another.  Reunite the passion as much as possible.  Why not dress up for that other person every once in a while?  When I shaved my head because of my medical hair loss, I gave my husband the power of choosing which wig I purchased.  Why you ask?  Because if I am going to be wearing a wig and everyone close around us knows I will be wearing a wig, why not have fun and get a totally different style that they are not used too?  I let my DH choose the style and color.  He could have chosen a middle of the back long ass hair wig in blonde or flame red, but instead he chose something that was in between the two of our's personal taste.  I like my hair highlighted where he does not.  He likes me red but more auburn brown.  So he chose a chin length wig with brown hair with a few blonde and red highlights that were very subtle.  It is a similar style to something I had in the past and he chose something he knew would please me.    Here are a few photos of what I look like....

What he likes...

His favorite to date...

My favorite style to date...

Me present day with the wig (at least Aug 2012)
So since my hair is finally growing back, I do plan on letting it grow out as long as I can so he can see me with long hair again.  I am also not planning on coloring it anytime soon to keep it healthy as possible during its growing stage.  No more is the red hed that majority of people who know me came to love....its all about being a brunette now...with some of nature's highlights.  Ok so it's not "some" highlights its a ton of silver and gray hair.  But you know what, my husband told me he's looking forward to growing old and gray with me, I just might be gray before he is.  LOL  He still thinks I am beautiful.  I will always try to be beautiful for him as well.  I want him to be proud of me being on his arm and have him think of me as the most beautiful woman in the room and how lucky he is that I am on his arm and no one else's!


  1. Oh Crystal I love what you wrote and I sooo feel the same! I guess other women are just too engrossed in their version of feminism that they are unable to see that taking care of yourself for your husband (and yourself) is about showing him that you love him and you want to keep those passions alive. I am like you-I always ask him what he thinks beforehand and some things he doesn't like but its a compromise hehe

    Great post and I love your blog! You look beautiful in all your photos! Your hubby is one lucky guy indeed!! xox Bunny

  2. That is one of the more difficult topics concerning relationships. I think I agree with what you say, mostly. To be honest, I would probably strangle the BF if he said I should (not) wear something or change my appearance. But if I ask him, I expect his honest opinion, and I value his input. I know he does not like makeup, hose or too-fancy clothes - which is great, since I do not like these either. He was initially opposed to my dyeing my hair, which I did nevertheless - but he loves the look. When I thought about getting a pixie cut, he asked me to keep my long hair, which I did (but I may change that in the future, who knows?). And if he asks for it, he gets advice on his clothing and hair as well - it's up to him to take it or leave it. (I think he looks best naked and unshaved, and he cannot go out like that, right?)

    On the other hand - women should realize if a man compliments them on their appearance or not, and I think it is not too bad to try and please your significant other every now and then. We did that when we started dating, didn't we. (I would also expect a man not to lie to me and tell me I am hot unless he really thinks so.) Same goes for the guys, too. I kind of expect the BF to look nice and civilized every now and again. But since he's more likely to dress up than I am, that is not really a problem. ^^


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